Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
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i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
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I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize