Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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