I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize