She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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