So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize