They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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