He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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