I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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