Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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