I must be too annoying 4 u.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize