belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
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