I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize