He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize