very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
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It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
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There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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