she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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