I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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