The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
We need to get me chipped asap
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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