Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
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