Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
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