Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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