is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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