you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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