You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize