well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
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