I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
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could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
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