I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
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Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
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This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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