my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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