I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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