So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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