this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize