Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize