This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize