I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
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He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
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