I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
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Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
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Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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