if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize