I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
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Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
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Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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