Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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