the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
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Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
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Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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