if you like me you must not know who I am
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize