Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
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I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
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please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Never underestimate the power of titties
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