i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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