I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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