I heard we made out
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize