Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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