You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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