Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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