the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize