I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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