My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Randomize