he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize